Musings of a momma

I'm not sure how to put into words all the emotions I am going through, but I think it would be good for me to try. Motherhood...what a ride it has already been. All of my life, I have wanted to be a mother and here I am. It's hard to believe that I am somebody's mother: this is the thought my mom said she had when she gave birth to me; this statement is a sobering one. I don't really feel like a mother yet. Maybe that seems like a strange thing to say. Maggie will be 3 weeks old on Monday and while not much time has passed, the concept of time escapes me. My days and nights feel much longer than the 24 hours they possess. Why is that? I'm sure it's because our lifestyle has changed. I no longer can get out of the house quickly if I am craving a Starbucks Chai, I can not nap whenver I want, nor can I pick up a book and read when I get the urge. I have to work around Maggie's routine, which is fine and natural, but an adjustment to say the least. After she is changed and fed, has had some wake time where we talk/sing/read/play with her, and she goes back down for a nap, I realize that I have a 2 hour window in front of me and I wonder how best to use it. Do I shower now? Do I make breakfast? Do I clean the bathroom? Do I read my Bible? Do I make a phone call? I'm not sure how best to use my time; I'm trying to take it in stride, but it's challenging. I also realize that right now I am adjusting to this new lifesytle with Aron's help and yet, he returns to work on Tuesday. Will I be able to make it alone? Yes, I know I will, but right now each day without him here seems extremely daunting. When my parents left last week, I realized how alone we are here. When it was just us in Chicago, I didn't care so much; I knew we'd make friends and feel at home eventually. The same is still true, but seems like a greater challenge now that we have a baby. I realize how much I miss family, how strange it is not to be able to walk next door and spend some time with my sister. I miss our friends. Part of me wishes we had moved back to Orange County so we could be near some of our closest friends. Shannon and Steve would also visit more frequently, as his family still lives there, so we'd see them more often. Aron's parents are there too and his sister is up north. Yet looking back at our decision, we felt it best to make the move to Chicago. I may be questioning that some now. Deep down I know that we'll be fine, we'll get to know more people, get plugged into our church, I'll meet other mothers, and I'll learn to do the daily routine alone while Aron is at work, but right now I feel overwhelmed with the next few months. I've been in prayer throughout each day and talk with Aron openly about how I'm feeling so I guess I'm on the right track. I also have several really great friends who call me regularly to check in (thanks, sista, La, Linds, and Shel for pursuing me!). To sum up, motherhood is a huge adjustment for me, harder than I anticipated; yet, I have to have hope for what is to come--that I will adjust, that Maggie will fall into more and more of a routine, and that my new lifestyle will just become part of who I am.