We are wrapping up our vacation in Georgia, having arrived at Aron's brother's house late last night. We will be here until we fly home on Saturday evening.
My time with my girlfriends was wonderful (I will blog pics and details when I return to Dallas), yet very difficult for me. I've given it a great deal of thought throughout our time together and most of it tied into struggling with Maggie. She was by far the most challenging I have ever seen her. And I was alone in parenting her because Aron was still in Dallas. I know it was a combination of being in a new place, her age, and her dad not being there. I found myself having to pray for patience regularly with my daughter and finding myself totally on edge all weekend long. I cannot believe how the ire can rise in me in a moment of frustration with her! I struggled to maintain a level head and patience at all times and it was unbelievable difficult.
The girl time, the time to connect and relax, really was perfect, but I found myself distracted with Maggie and focusing on still being diligent in training her heart, i.e. maintaining consistency, yet considering context of our situation (new location, no daddy around, and her age, like I said). I went into my trip with low expectations, as far as how it would look to connect with my friends and was surprised to find that my intense struggle came in the form of parenting Maggie. There were many wonderful moments with her, don't get me wrong: she loved all the babies, was gentle and sweet with them, and most of the time, played SO well with Elise (almost 3 years old). But, she struggled often with listening to me, obeying me, and whining and this was new to me...at least this MUCH of it at once. She has also entered into a new phase apparently, of calling out, "Mommy, Mommy!" whenever I leave the room, even if I tell her what I'm doing. It seems it's a combination of separation anxiety and whining and I'm bereft of how to handle it. My child hasn't struggled to this point with separation anxiety for any length of time. If anything, this whole experience has made me more humble in how I view other parents and once again, how in need of Christ I am *daily* in the teaching and training of my girl.
It's been eye-opening and created a vulnerability in me I didn't know existed. I have to remember to focus on the good things she does and relish the moments of sweetness.
This is a trying stage for little ones, but you are doing such an amazing job, and Mags is an ANGEL, really! We love you guys!
ReplyDeleteoh, suzanne. it's like reading something i could have written. i'm sorry it was such a struggle...and i admire you for writing about it.
ReplyDeletei truly believe that having one parent gone for whatever length of time throws children for a serious loop, and then, as you said, the new environment and the rest of it.
i am sure that you handled it BEAUTIFULLY...as you do everything. much love.
you did handle it beautifully, like your friend mentioned, we all could have written this. I remember prekids thinking things like "my kids will never..." or "when my kids do this I will handle it by..." and then they came and everything is blown out of the water. but to repeat what e said, we LOVED maggie and I was impressed by how you maintained consistency which is truly the hardest part of parenting, for me anyway.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne, I know it is so hard to have patience with these little rugrats. You always do such an awesome (and inspiring) job of handling all that Mags throws at you. Just know you are not the only one stressing about how you kids are behaving (or not!). We love you guys and you always handle it well!
ReplyDeleteoh suz, i truly truly respect you as a mom and truly thought mags was great. i also understand how flustering it is when your kid seems like the most needy one in the room. especially when they present you with new challenges that you're not sure how to deal with yet. i have been humbled over & over by my boy and can so relate to all that you wrote. i was actually just telling La that it was a bit rough for me to see how well bahaved elise & mags were in relation to owie. i really thought you handled things well. i think you're doing a great job. and it's never easy to be solo parent for extended periods of time. love you. great to see you friend. xo
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of the above comments too. You are doing a great job, Suz! I can't honestly say things get easier, but the challenges change with age. Remember what they say about the "terrible 2's"? ha ha. It's not a joke. Most people go through some sort of that stage with their kids. Zoe has started early! I struggle daily with her as well. But those "terrible twos" pass. And new challenges arise. What you're going through is completely normal. ;) Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteSuz, first and foremost- your hair looks great!! :) LOL! No seriously, you do an outstanding job. As you and several others have told me before - give yourself lots of grace. Maggie is a sweet girl, obviously thriving under the careful attention and deep love of her parents. Of COURSE she is going to make you crazy sometimes, OF COURSE she is going to test your patience, but I know it's hard to not get discouraged after a long bout of it all. Hang in there - you really encouraged me this weekend to keep at it myself.
ReplyDeletexoxo
A friend of mine recently wrote a comment that her dad shared with her when her first was born (she has four). "The hardest part of parenting is getting up off the couch". It sounds to me like you hit the nail on the head - consistency. Getting up off the couch when one is tired, involved with others, when repitition has worn you down, is indeed difficult, but it sounds like you hung in there like a godly mom, and...your friends are testimony to that. Maggie is going to help you so much when her little brother arrives, and what you are doing now will show up as a huge help. Way to go!!! Hope the rest of your trip is wonderful.
ReplyDeletesuz, i definitely can relate as well. after seeing you guys, the following day, driving back to chat-town and all today...owen has driven me to the brink of insanity. it definitely was harder with roby in NY and also with trying to deal with Olive at the same time. At owie's 3 year check-up today, I was in tears telling the pediatrician about how he will not listen to me and how he really is a good/sweet kid, but bucks everything i say lately. She assured me that most of it is age (apparently she says it's the terrible 2s through 4s ;) She gave me some encouragement and more tips on discipline, and also told me that I needed time-outs too-v especially when I lose my patience. Anyways, just want to let you know you are not alone! As much as we adore our kidlets, we are going to have some stuggles with them for sure! You are a *wonderful* mom, girl, and I hope we can encourage each other through these trying times!
ReplyDeleteHi Suz! I, like the rest, can definitely relate to your struggles with Maggie. I think Gabrielle started the terrible two's at 14 months old, which unfortunately means I still have a ways to go:( My only advice for you comes from our wonderful pastor here in Bishop, in a sermon he once said he has learned the hard way not to pray for patience, because God answers that prayer with circumstances that give you patience. ie sweet little toddler girls and boys:) Upon hearing that I decided to start praying that Gabrielle would have patience! Haha. I hope you are doing great and congratulations on your new baby!
ReplyDeleteAbby
I don't know if you're still checking comments down here, but I'll throw this into the mix--in my experience with the girls, age three was the hardest. I don't know why. I don't know if it is the ability to self-express, if it is the sudden understanding that mama's world does not revolve around them, or if it is simply "girl-mones," but it will come and go in phases (and if you do lose it, my friend told me that her kids forgot everything in early life as soon as they turned five, so I figure the first four years is a good practice time to get parenting right because they won't remember it anyway :o) Ha!
ReplyDelete