Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Pregnancy 101: What not to say to a pregnant woman

In McDonald's 2 weeks ago, during a fun playdate with friends, the manager of this particular McDonald's overheard me talking to the lady ringing me up, sidled over to her and inquired of me, "Two girls? You are having two girls?" It took me a minute to realize he was looking at my belly and not over my shoulder at Maggie in the play area (hence, I will have 2 girls come summer). I pointed to my belly and asked, "You mean, am I have twins?" He smiled and nodded his head vigorously, "Yes, twins! And you are due next week!?"


Whoa, buddy, slow down.

I shook my head no, smiled, and politely (maybe a bit sarcastically) said, "Do you have kids?" To which he, of course, replied, "No."

I said, "I'm only having 1 girl, and I'm due in July. I just carry my babies all the same way--big and all belly. You better be careful what you say to pregnant women." I smiled again, a thin smile. Then, I took my food and walked off.

Was I really frustrated? No, not really, but on some level, it does perturb me how often people *assume* they KNOW you are carrying a boy (and you are not) or a girl (and you are not) or that you are SURELY due within the next few days (and you are not).

For crying out loud, folks. Take a few basic lessons.

1. ALWAYS tell a pregnant woman she looks fantastic. That's it. Keep it simple.
2. Don't posit your theories of gender/number of babies/due date. Sheesh.
3. If you are ALREADY a mom and you swoop down on a soon-to-be-mom and delve into #2 above, shame on you. You should know better.
4. Don't rattle off how hard/terrible/tiring/depressing/overwhelming it will be to add another baby to your family. Be positive. Right?!?!
4. And if a pregnant woman is close to her due date or past her due date do no say any of the following: "You are still here!" "Where is that baby?" "You look really big/uncomfortable/like-you-are-getting-no-sleep." Come on, really?! Who wants this baby here more than anyone!? Her.

Remember #1 and just stick to that.

"You look frickin' fantastic!"

End of story.


  1. Seriously. I went to get a pedicure when I was pregnant with my first around 36 weeks.
    The nail lady argued with me the entire time that my doctor was wrong and I was having twins.
    Then chatted to her coworkers about it.
    I did not have twins.
    She did not deserve her tip.

  2. my monday at the store:
    check out girl - "so it's a girl!"
    me - "actually, it's a boy."
    cog - "really? and you're still sticking out that far?"

    preach it sister.

    and btw you look fabulous xxoo

  3. This is why the insanity defense was created... truly. Punch 'em in the face. Apologize later.

  4. You always look amazing! Just had to say that!
    And....LOVE LOVE LOVE your photos!!!! Did you get a new camera???

  5. I have no idea that your look absolutely beautiful! I totally agree with your rules. You should of been there when we are at my dad's visition/viewing and someone asked my sister when she was due. At least that made us laugh. But really, if you don't know they are preggers...don't assume!!!

    Love the new the pic a couple back of aron with the kids...he looks so cali!! You all look great! miss you tons

    g wants to tell maggie that he got a transformer movie for his birthday and he likes the bird on the blog. and he got an artic cat and he wishes he could play with her. at least through blog pics they'll see each other.

    love to you all

  6. Hi Gal,

    LOVE THE BLOG!!! I envy your blogness, but am not yet convinced that I need to jump into the wonderful world of blogging. I shall enjoy all your creative updates for the time being and see if I ever move forward to having my own.

    Let me tell you, number 5!!! I have about a million things I could add b/c I heard them all and they've driven me to frustration, tears, and isolation. But Carrie Rogers from our floor won the prize for #1. She just looked me in the eyes and simply said "you look fantastic". And you're right, that's all you need to say and all that a pregnant woman loves to hear.


  7. Love your wise counsel!! Well taken!! And the new look is great!! Way to go, Aron!

  8. First, you do look FANTASTIC, well slept, beautiful and energized. 2, having 3 kids is the best thing I have ever done. It is flipping amazing! 3, I pray you are feeling as well as you look and you are nice and comfortable.

  9. Preach it, Suz!! Love it. SO sorry the guy @ McD's was such a dumb-dumb. Seriously. And I thought you handled it perfectly - polite, but also letting him know he stuck his foot in his mouth. I think we all have these stories - some are slightly humorous and others downright rude. Thanks for reminding us of what we need to say to pregnant people.
    p.s. the ones that I got ALL the time last round was: "you don't know what you're having? (look at my belly) "oh, it's definitely a boy." how do they know? And also, lots of non-encouraging comments about how hard the jump from 2-3 was and also having 2 kids so close in age. That helped me feel super confident and ready for that baby to show up. Nope. :)

    Love you! You look amazing - glowing!! xoxo

  10. Love your post! Thanks for the tips haha :)
    I don't have children yet but someday I'll understand!