A Bright Spot

I love Joy's Hope and was *SUPER* excited to see the launch of The Happy Day Project (see button on the right). Love the idea of blessing others randomly. And I'm stoked to get my kids involved with this too!

in those dark moments

Something I've noticed is that when I am not handling life well as a mom, blogging gets shelved and I kind of go dark for awhile (hence my almost-month hiatus from here). I'm still reaching out to friends and family, calling, initiating, I do these things well, but eventually I back off and isolate myself and spiral into loneliness. It's an interesting cycle for me--chaos brings isolation which brings loneliness. It's a real spiritual battle for me to stay in it (being honest and living life with others) and to *not* isolate myself. The hard thing I'm still trying to work through is when those closest to me also happen to be crazy busy or not handling life well as a mom either, and they are thus, not as available to me.

Many times, I have left voicemails for a few close friends and my sister that say, "I'm having a really, really hard day and I just need to talk." Sometimes, I've even been close to tears when I leave those voicemails. It's very humbling for me, to be real and raw in the moment and to ask for help. I'm getting better at it because I care deeply about doing life well in community, but I also find I have to force myself to reach out in the moment (not a day or 2 later; you know how it goes, checking in with a friend, "How are you?" "Oh, I had a rotten day on Tuesday, but I'm better today.") I think those who know you best should see you in your most glorious and your most difficult times. I feel deeply grateful to have a number of close, close friends who know me and seek me out.

On the other side of some very tough days, weeks, or longer seasons, I see God's faithfulness, drawing me into a closer relationship with Him through prayer and time in His Word. In these recent hard days, I've fought to stay focused on Him. God's grace is good, moment by moment.

How do you handle loneliness and those dark moments in life?

on being away and coming home

I left on our anniversary day in September for a good friend's wedding in which I was a bridesmaid. It was a fantastic trip, overall, as I was able to ride 1st class (redeemed Aron's air miles for the same amount as a coach seat, who could pass that up?!) and eat a real meal with real silverware and even have leg room to spare. I read books on the plane and just relaxed. It was heavenly.

The wedding was incredibly gorgeous, set on a ranch in the hills, with a cool breeze blowing, and the day was perfect, just perfect. Cayla has wanted to be a wife and mother since I've known her (13 years) and at the right time, God brought Mike into her life and almost one-year to the day they met, they got married. Super cool, right? She also lived well in her singleness, traveling the world with Cru, training and equipping students on short and long-term missions teams. Singleness was very difficult at times, but she truly was able to live well in the moment and do incredible things for the Lord. Love that.

I know some of you know her and some of you don't, but if you have 3 minutes, it's worth your while to scroll through their wedding album. The photographer was incredible, the day captured splendidly, and so much of it I would do if I was getting married; I still loved our wedding day, but I loved so much of what Cayla and Mike did for their special day. Check it out here.

I love my hubby, love that he took such stellar care of our kiddos while I was away, but man, it took almost 2 full weeks to get back in the groove of things, with kids being off, Aron not feeling well, both of us exhausted from our respective weekends, etc. Getting way is completely necessary at these stage of life with young kids, but at some point, the "getting back into the groove" on the other side might not be worth it. At least not for such a long stretch of time. Regardless, my in-laws were incredible hosts and it was fun to catch up with them and also to get to spend so much time with my close friend, Linds. And of course, all the wedding festivities. I'm so glad I was able t be a part of it!

Curly hair!

After I saw this post on Julie's blog, I had to give it a try. I'll admit I was really skeptical as my hair is fine and thin, but wouldn't you know, it totally worked!? Wash hair at night and dry, tuck it into an elastic headband, curls arrive the next morning. Seriously cool.

I LOVE it, it was so easy to do and believe it or not, lasted almost 2 days. I didn't wash my hair before church on Sunday, but there was still wave and curl to it. How much better can it be than getting up in the morning and your hair has basically styled itself?! Seriously cool.

It's my favorite new go-to style.

You know you are loving the bathroom robe shot. Just keeping it real.

Today

Today, I'm reflective. For the better part of 8 months, I feel I'm at a really good place with motherhood. Sure, I have tough days, but I feel I've finally come into my own which includes accepting my limitations, knowing what I need to stay refreshed (i.e. good self-care), and overall, really enjoying my kids. And being OK with the process of parenting, both in me and in them.

Yet, there are days like today, days that dawn gorgeous and bright and the beach beckons and I want to LOVE this day, but I do not. My oldest is in a tough spot at the moment, battling areas of grumbling and complaining, and general moodiness. In tears during lunch, I called my husband, expressing feelings of defeat, not a place I've been in a long time. He listened, encouraged, and prayed for me. I love that man with all my heart. And sweet little baby girl is getting in all 4 top teeth, yes, at once. All but 1 have finally popped through, but my usual very, very happy, best-sleeper-baby has not napped well today, was up at night, and up early. Sigh. My friend, Katchen, had a terrific picture-post on the joys and sorrows of motherhood that I related with.

I'm choosing joy today. I'm choosing gratitude. And I'm choosing to focus on the good things happening, too.

My sweet boy is now 2 nights in his big boy bed and has done amazingly. Better than I ever thought possible. He is also staying in bed until we come get him, a family rule we have. I'm hopeful it will continue. On Sunday before church he grabbed these 2 dolls and proceeded to park them in the shopping cart and wheel them around the back yard. He can be quite the gentle-spirited one!

I'm prepping for a visit from some seminary friends. We LOVE this family, they were some of our closest friends while living on campus in Dallas. Maggie and Avery are going to have a ball together, as they haven't seen eachother since they were 2 years old (they are 4 weeks apart in age). We made a paper chain and are counting down the days until she arrives (I did green and purple to distinguish the weekend days). Also, this was Maggie's verse from school last week and it's a verse that has come in handy lately!

I am reading an incredible book on discerning making big choices, even when the odds are not stacked in your favor. We are in the brink of some GREAT changes in our lives, and this book is bolstering my faith in the sovereignty of God when it comes to the choices we make. In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day may be one of the best books I've read when it comes to taking opportunities and stepping out in faith.

Aron and I enjoyed a date morning on Saturday, coffee and a movie. Later that night with his encouragement and help, we spent 3 hours cleaning out all our stuff we've been storing in boxes through the last several moves. I knew we'd get rid of some things, surely, but 30 boxes?? I'm stunned at how much we are "letting go of." It's freeing. I love, love my husband. And I'm terribly excited for what this next season of life holds for us.

I really do love this sweet girl, even when she is not sleeping her best. Hard to believe she is already 8 months old. Those blue eyes are so lovely.

And I really do love this sweet girl, even when she seems pre-pubescent in emotion. She is so creative! We played a matching game the other day and she then created her own game! She drew matching pictures in different colors and everything.

I'm getting my hair cut and colored tonight. That should lift any woman's spirits, right?

this and that

Lately, we've been doing much of the same things in our weeks and I'm loving the stability and routine. Blogging has lapsed as I've been busy with the family and doing our weekly activities. Here's a bit of this and that to fill you in.

Lately, I feel like I'm really enjoying motherhood, really being purposeful in my time with my sweet, sweet kids. We all go through funks in this role, but lately, I've been able to see some personal growth when it comes to areas where I struggle in motherhood. As this new year began, I started to pray about what my words for year would be and God brought to mind several that have stuck with me: "pray more," "play more (with my kids)", and "give more (finances)." This article from Simple Mom nailed it perfectly. I encourage you to read it, too.

This article (also from Simple Mom) about leaving your children a legacy has been playing over and over in my mind for weeks. Weeks and weeks. Her words were absolutely haunting to me: "I don't want my children to remember me only in silhouette--a face turned toward a screen." This line was a catalyst for an earlier post of mine on rethinking social media. I want to be purposeful as much as possible in my daily interaction with my children.

I finally started exercising again; going to the gym 2x a week with my friend Casey and trying to do "30 Day Shred" on my non-gym day. Setting my sights on my a half-marathon later this year.

After an almost-2 year lapse, I've begun meeting with a new friend for early morning coffee and accountability. I first did this with my sister for 4 years, then with my friend Erin for 2 years. Now, we all live far, far away and I've been craving this fellowship. I love early mornings and love that I have this to look forward weekly.

We've been enjoying the unseasonably warm weather here in SoCal while most of the country has been experiencing insane amounts of snow. Lots of outdoor time, park dates, and even some kite-flying last week.

I've been loving new music by The Civil Wars. Beautiful harmonies!

I've been pining after Anthro's latest catalog, especially these boots, these shorts, this shirt, and this shirt. I'm going to try to piece together this outfit from more thriftier places using Polyvore as my guide. What a cool concept.

Happy Sunday!

Rethinking social media

How do you get your news? Facebook? Twitter? An app on your phone for your local newspaper or the USA Today? Do you often find yourself on your phone (even in the car) checking social media for the latest updates from friends? Is your phone or computer time beneficial or a tremendous time waster?

Social media sort of drives me crazy. I like it and I don't. It's great to stay connected to old friends, to see pics of everyday life of those I love and to hear what they are up to, but it can also be a tremendous time suck and distraction. Let's be honest with ourselves. How many "friends" are we actually very close to? How many of them do we really and truly want to know what's going on with and vice versa. If I'm honest with myself, it's a good few dozen and that's it.

I've been feeling a slow pull from the Lord to distance myself from social media outlets. Last year, I took a month long break and it was so helpful; gave me a fresh perspective and was quite shocking to realize how much time I spend on my phone or on the computer. And how life went on without much incident and I wasn't around to "view" it and it was just fine.

At various seasons of my life, I've found it's a big distraction and not in a good way. I find myself checking Facebook news feed to see what others are up to, when I should be playing with my children. Lame. But, what to do? Go offline all together? Many I know have become "Face-Free" and I think that may be the way I'm heading one day. For now, I've set several boundaries for myself and have done a good job sticking to them: checking social media outlets only a couple of times a day, and not when my children are present. They deserve my full attention and investment. I want my life's work to be reflected in them, and not waste the time I have on some silly network (which will eventually be replaced by the next-best thing; remember, Myspace? Me either).

Because I am not feeling ready (for some good reasons) to go "Face-Free," I recently did a few things to "tidy-up" my Facebook and Twitter accounts. These have been life-savers for me.

First, I deleted people who I do not consider close friends and who I have no contact with. This makes sense. I am not truly interested in what a high school friend, who I haven't spoken to since high school, is eating for lunch that day. The same goes for a slew of elementary and junior high friends.

Second, I hid all "push notifications" to my inbox for anything but direct messages to Facebook account. Honestly, do I really care what Jennifer so-and-so (who I do not know) said on my best friend's Facebook page about her new haircut? Do I need to read someone else's comments on a friend's picture of her new baby? Not really. I was finding that such email notifications only cluttered my inbox and distracted me from being present with my kids and focusing on important tasks of my day.

And lastly, I "hid all posts" of Facebook friends who I have very little contact with. These were people who I did want to remain in touch with, but overall, am not very close to and didn't want to keep up daily tabs. It's freeing to not see so much clutter in my news feed and email inbox. I like it!

I found this article by Lindsay of Passionate Homemaking an excellent one on "guarding against technology time wasters."

What suggestions do you have for curbing the onslaught of social media?

Favorite blogs

Recently, my good friend Erin, asked me what blogs I follow. I shared a few of my favs, in addition to many on my sidebar.

http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/

http://cakeandcotton.blogspot.com/

http://amy-newnostalgia.blogspot.com/

http://simplemom.net/

What are some of yours?

Mindless fun

Or, with all my spare time, I could play this game for hours...

What is YOUR high score?

When I'm 65...

...I hope to be doing what these ladies were doing at the Arboretum. It was actually their first day out in the "open air" doing their painting on location. Their work was quite lovely. I hope I have friends that I do artsy things with all my life.

July 31 Musings

The month of July always feels long to me, but not necessarily in a bad way. It's hard to believe that I have extended unemployment time ahead of me. Instead of going back to school on August 11, I will go back who knows when. Maybe never. Maybe once our kiddos are in junior high/high school. Both Aron and I are looking forward to homeschooling them eventually. I'm not sad to not be working; I'm thrilled to embrace the journey of parenthood and be a mama who can stay home with my children. But, it is weird to think that I have been in some form of school my entire life because my work has included the classroom these past 7 years. Now, after 27 years, I will no longer be in that institution. I'm stoked, though, as I do like change (in many ways) and this will be a one for me.

5 Random Wednesday Questions

I assure you we are still bloggers! Aron is up to at least 11pm-12am each night doing school work and teaching continues to consume all my time. Aron swears he will post soon and since I haven't written in two weeks, I had a thought. Because we are both too busy to write too deeply on our blog at present, I thought I’d leave you all with some silly and perhaps interesting questions to answer (this is borrorwed from a friend's blog...Ashley, if you stop in, let me know :).

1. If you could name yourself something a new name, what would it be and why?
2. What is one thing that continually frustrates you and why?
3. What’s your favourite thing to eat for lunch?
4. How do you know when you’ve made the ‘right’ decision when you come to a decision-making crossroads, so to speak?
5. What’s the first thing you think of when your alarm clock goes off on a Monday?

Detentions and Eraser Wars

For some odd reason, my students just can't seem to get back into the swing of things since the Christmas break--over 2 1/2 weeks ago! It was one of those downer weeks where I turned into 'angry teacher,' which I assure you, I am not. Ask the students. One of my pervading beliefs as an educator is that it's important to respect the students (too many teachers do not). I have a good relationship with most of my students, but for some odd reason they just didn't listen as a collective group this week. It was annoying. I wrote up about 15 of them. When I worked our 2 hour Thursday School (detention) last night I had two boys that got into an eraser war, for which I had to write them another Thursday School. Ugh. I'm looking forward to resting this weekend and enjoying my space from the students that I normally enjoy very much.
suz

Reflections On Teaching

Teaching is both a bane and a blessing. While all the lesson planning can be a drudgery, not to mention the mounds of grading (I have 172 seventh graders) that overtake my weekends, I live for those times when students have an “aha” moment, when a student is making progress, or when a student says something encouraging to me. I have had several students tell me over the last 6 weeks that they really like me, that I am their favorite teacher, and this always warms me on the inside. One student baked me a cake for my birthday last Monday, and one girl bought me a wonderful bracelet and earring set (as we share a birthday). Tonight was report card pick up at school and I got to talk with about 20 parents. At the last minute, one student who am very close with, came up with her mom. She, unfortunately, did not pass this 6 weeks and I didn’t feel that her effort was enough to bump her up to a passing grade. She was crying when she came up and sat down with her mom. Right when she sat down, I started to cry. I really love this girl and we have been able to connect since the beginning of school. She trusts me and talks to be about what is going on in her life. Her mom was extremely supportive and we had an incredible talk about how her daughter can do better. The girl continued to cry and I was just so moved because she said, “Mrs. McKay, you are my favorite teacher and I’m so sorry I haven’t been doing my work.” It was powerful. We hugged at the end and I told her that I really care about her and we can get through this. Somehow, as I type, my words don’t really do this night justice, for something special has been etched into my heart from this interaction. I am making a difference in students’ lives and a moment like this helps me realized why I get up each morning.
Suz