Monday, October 17, 2011

in those dark moments

Something I've noticed is that when I am not handling life well as a mom, blogging gets shelved and I kind of go dark for awhile (hence my almost-month hiatus from here). I'm still reaching out to friends and family, calling, initiating, I do these things well, but eventually I back off and isolate myself and spiral into loneliness. It's an interesting cycle for me--chaos brings isolation which brings loneliness. It's a real spiritual battle for me to stay in it (being honest and living life with others) and to *not* isolate myself. The hard thing I'm still trying to work through is when those closest to me also happen to be crazy busy or not handling life well as a mom either, and they are thus, not as available to me.

Many times, I have left voicemails for a few close friends and my sister that say, "I'm having a really, really hard day and I just need to talk." Sometimes, I've even been close to tears when I leave those voicemails. It's very humbling for me, to be real and raw in the moment and to ask for help. I'm getting better at it because I care deeply about doing life well in community, but I also find I have to force myself to reach out in the moment (not a day or 2 later; you know how it goes, checking in with a friend, "How are you?" "Oh, I had a rotten day on Tuesday, but I'm better today.") I think those who know you best should see you in your most glorious and your most difficult times. I feel deeply grateful to have a number of close, close friends who know me and seek me out.

On the other side of some very tough days, weeks, or longer seasons, I see God's faithfulness, drawing me into a closer relationship with Him through prayer and time in His Word. In these recent hard days, I've fought to stay focused on Him. God's grace is good, moment by moment.

How do you handle loneliness and those dark moments in life?


  1. love your vulnerability here suz. i'll have to remember to call you when the blog is quiet! love you friend.

  2. oh suz! i was missing you & your blog. i'm sorry things have been hard. thank you for your honesty in this post. i think i do the same sorts of things. not always related to my blog but i definitely crave the pulling back & disappearing when i'm low. love you much. xoxo

  3. Suz, I'm so sorry you've had a hard month! I thought I had seen you posting pictures out and about and figured you were super busy!