Thursday, April 16, 2009
one of "those" days
I just need to get some thoughts down on paper, so to speak, and just be honest that it has been one of those days, really one of those weeks. Parenting my toddler has been challenging, she's fought me on several naps this week, only to end up a total crab apple by 5pm. Both my kiddos are fighting either allergies, a bronchial infection (Curren), constant runny noses, etc. Dear God. A lack of sleep is rearing it's ugly head once again and honestly, I have *no idea* why I think I can nap when both kids nap because the last 3 weeks have seen one or both of them waking up JUST as I'm falling asleep. I'm trying to see the joy in this, but can't really. Yesterday, I drove to IKEA, only to learn, after being assured that the product was in stock, that it wasn't. Off to Target to buy a what I needed, only to loose one of Maggie's shoes in the store (my favorite ones). Sigh. I bought myself a mocha frappucino. I prayed and asked God for patience and a nearness of His presence. But, really, the frap made me feel better. I'm ashamed to admit it. I often make a fresh pot of coffee in the afternoon to make me feel better. How often do a turn to the tangible to bring me some sense of comfort, peace, or fulfillment? When everything else is falling apart around me, I try to make myself feel better through other means, rather than seeking first His face and heart for me in these trying times. As I type this, my husband is at class, my son is screaming from his room (he's beyond over-tired), my house completely blew up on me, my daughter is crying on and off, and I'm tempted to bury my frustration in a bag of M&Ms. And yet I know I need to read the Word. I hope the latter wins out.
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Praying for you, I know your frustration. May God reveal Himself to you clearly and may you find joy in Him tonight. Love you
ReplyDeleteoh i hope the latter prevails! and yet He can comfort through many things...How about the Word & m&m's?
ReplyDeletei'm praying, sweet suzanne.
ReplyDeleteFor a minute I thought I was reading something I wrote... Sounds way to familiar. I sympathize with you as well, I often turn to other means of comfort first when it should be God. I am praying for you as well.
ReplyDeleteOh Suzanne! I'm having one of those weeks too. It's so much harder parenting a toddler when there's a baby in the house demanding your attention. I'm here to tell you that God gave us chocolate and caffeine. Don't beat yourself up over that. I don't think I could make it through some days without my Coke.
ReplyDeleteI think I can safely say we have *all* had one or more of those days/weeks!! I know I have had MANY! With my business going crazy, I need ALL nap times. The other day, Zoe refused to nap. I was beyond stressed. I totally know what you are going through... it's a Caramel Frap for me, though. ;) extra caramel. LOL! I pray a lot too... I try to ... when these things are going on. It's a test. I believe that. Sometimes we fail, but sometimes we pass. Just life, and learning. :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteHi, Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteGod knows exactly who you are, where you are, and what you need. He is stretching and developing your "mommy" muscles by giving you Maggie and Curren. Whenever you are feeling defeated, exhausted, and other very real and valid experiences, turn to Him. "Help!" is a complete sentence and prayer. And you don't have to say it and beg over and over for Him to provide his grace and strength, and wisdom (James). Then, also, there is nothing wrong in recognizing legitimate needs, such as rest, personal time, special treats such as frappucinos, chocolate, time with friends. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. You are not wonder woman or super girl. You are a beautiful, gifted, and godly woman, whom God has created and is refining for his purposes and glory.
It helps me to think of and name blessings that God has given me. I did that the other morning on my way to work. By the time I got to work, I was feeling encouraged and up beat. I don't think I even remembered what was making me so down.
Is there a mother's day out in your area? Your mother did that once a week, and it helped tremendously.
I love you,
Dad
Suz,
ReplyDeleteI totally know how you feel. One kid can be crazy, much less two! Just remember to pray and know that tomorrow is a different day. Completely new!
Love you!
hey friend. i can so relate and appreciate your honest thoughts. your writing could have come straight from my journal. i am praying now for you. motherhood involves SO much dying to self, like nothing else..*so* much giving and such a test of patience. who knew!? not me. how much respect do i now have for those amazing mom's i know!? it's HARD work and it's extra tiring when they're little peanuts who don't sleep or when they are super naughty! let's push on together, and receive strength from our Lord, our hope and help. i so appreciate how you know where your help comes from...you know that time in truth & sitting before the Lord will help on those days. it's so true suz and earlier on as a mom i don't think i realized that as much as it seems you are. He really is what we need. i'm *finally* seeing that deeply. i am a mess otherwise...a very stressed, impatient, graceless mom. girl, wish we lived close! xo
ReplyDeletesidenote: but don't feel condemned if you just can't seem to have those 'quiet times' like you may have had before curren. maybe just worship music...or a piper, etc, message while in the car would be max depending on the day. i've been given that advice and it's been good for me to be free from condemnation as a tired mom w/ littles. for me it helps to somehow start the day w/ the Lord in focus. like worship music during breakfast. ahhh. that's been a help for me.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty. I'm so there -- with the craziness of 2 and with reaching after tangibles (generally food and coffee) rather than God. It's tough and it's hard to be present with our kids, not resentful, and try to mother with grace. :hugs:
ReplyDeleteI just LOVE you! I love your genuine spirit! I love your choice of words and expressions! YES, it was one of those days. Good thing those days end and you get to begin again in hopes of it being better :-) This is a season and a tough one FULL of joys and trials! I can't wait to do life with you with less mile between us!
ReplyDeleteAhh hon, I love these words ... As sorry as I am that you've had one of those weeks, I think you can tell how many of us can relate to your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI must add to the encouragement to try listening to worship music. When all I can pray is "HELP ME GOD!", I can turn on some music that transports me to the Throne of Grace, and somehow - my sight gets clearer and my mind gets less muddled and I can see how my love for my family glorifies Him. But I agree with your Dad, try not to beat yourself up too much. Is it wrong to drink the coffee and thank God for His creativity in giving us caffeine!? Remember your messy house will be forgotten. The runny noses, too, will be forgotten. The moments where you lean into Christ and when your children lean into you, those moments will forever be cherished. Sending you a big hug from around the world...