Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Rootless
After a lazy weekend (must admit that A and I spent several hours in front of the TV, catching up on our shows), the house is still in unpacking disarray and this leaves me feeling unsettled. I like when things are picked up and the house is in order. I did leave it that way, knowing that when we returned from CA, I would not have wanted to walk into a messy place. However, I am having a hard time bringing myself to pick up now and I'm not sure why. I haven't made the groccery list for the week (and thus, have not groccery shopped) so last night, I took an evening stroll with Mags, met Aron at the train, and we stopped at The Hot Spot restaurant on the way home and ordered two way-overpriced and small-portioned meals to-go for dinner. Today I am determined to cook dinner (something chicken related?) and go to the market. But, it's raining out, which makes me want to stay indoors. Yesterday, I woke up feeling a bit down, and didn't know why. I think several factors are involved: we are back from our trip and I had several extra hands to love-on Mags every day for 2 weeks and now it's back to just me; I actually feel a bit "out of the loop" being back here, as my mom's group was cancelled yesterday and I also felt a bit disconnected from people at church on Sunday (granted, it's a new church). I think also what it comes down to is just feeling rootless. Aron and I desire to put them down and make a long-term home, but still feel a bit uncertain about just where that will be. And I don't think we feel any clearer after our trip. We do like it here in Chicago, so for now, we'll just have to wait and see.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I totally know how you feel Suz! It does get better, though. As far as feeling lazy.... UGH! That's the story of my life lately. I have to literally make myself do things around the house lately. Make myself, meaning, continuously yelling at myself and sometimes slapping myself around to do things! (Kidding!).
ReplyDeleteI know how seeing family and friends in another area is so fantastic, and then coming home to nobody can be so depressing. Give it some time... things will be OK. Hey, worst case... you can move here to North Carolina! :)
you and me, suz, we are on the same page again :) owie and i just got back from a week-long trip to houston to spend time with cousins tobi and joyce, and while i was looking forward to seeing roby, of course, i was sad to come "home." Like you guys, we feel rootless here and want to settle down too. For now, we know we are supposed to be here and are thankful for Roby's good job making it possible for me to stay home with Owie...but, ultimately, we don't see ourselves growing roots in chat-town. We would love to move back home to philly, or cali. or even houston, but, unfortunately, roby has the kind of job that you can't find in those states...so who knows what will happen. Anyways, i feel ya sister, as i have been feeling down the past few days after returning from our trip too. I hope you feel more connected to chicago and your church, new friends, etc. really soon!
ReplyDeleteGetting settled in a new city is no small task. It takes time and tons of effort to get life back to something you're use to in a new city. Here you had church, and work, book club, lifegroup, your sister and millions of other misc. activities. All of that took time to develop it will happen, and I know that family is important but I think it's also important to make a life just for you, Aron & Mags. Let your families be a part of it but never dictate what you choose to do or where you choose to live. You'll find roots I know you will and over time they'll grow deeper and stronger. You've had tons of visitors too over the last 5 months and you've been traveling so a good amount of time at home by yourselves getting involved in a small group and back in to your mommy group and church will help you guys feel a little more settled. Just take it a day at a time, don't put too much pressure on yourself and do things that make you smile. You know when I was going through the roughest days of chemo Matt made me make a happy list, one to remind myself that there are things, people, etc. in ths world that make me oh so happy and then we did them.....Some were simple just dinner with my hubby or a run to starbuks, etc....anyways, it might help in this time of discomfort and unsettled feelings...
ReplyDeleteoh suz, i'm sorry to hear you're down. surely normal feelings. i really think you'll come around. seems like the Lord, in His grace, always brings us back to peace & motivation, after spells where we lack it. and you seem to do your part to foster those changes. know that there are many who love you and care as you're feeling these things. xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt's never a fun transition from help to no-help. I'm sorry you've been feel a bit blah about things and life and I hope that as you take some time to settle in (even if that means breakfast for dinner 3x's in one week, or not getting out of your pjs) that eventually you'll be able to find your groove again. You guys have done such a great job of diving into life in Chicago - even more admirable with a new baby; talk about transition! I'm sure it's tough to know in your heart where you want to be, but I think in time you'll figure it out and maybe realize that both places offer perks that you would enjoy and people that care about you.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Thank you all for responding. It means so much to hear your insight and support.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I think you have some good truth there about finding "home" for our family and not necessarily following our extended family around (though it is hard not to!).
Heth, pretty amazing that we are at the same place! Why aren't we on the phone more often with eachother? :)